thevoidsdarkhorse | Re: RAGE (Reply)

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[God, GOD it hits too much that he doesn't WANT to logic out for her sake. Once those tears start flowing, he's pulled that blanket back out and is wrapping her tight in his arms, burying his face in her neck. He can't do words without hitting wall after wall, walls he RECOGNIZES, so he's giving in and letting these goddamn powers of his do whatever they can. There's no object or goal in mind - just the rawness of the fact that he knows, he KNOWS, she's lost far more than him but he knows that loss, and god, how he wishes he could give her an answer as much as he could give HIMSELF an answer, instead of looping around in all of the million ways things could have been different. What if he had been a braver child, what if he had listened to his sister, told her to hide to keep her from dying... what if he had been firmer with Luke, more demanding, more thorough in trying to find other options so that Luke would never have to feel he was the only one who had to sacrifice... so many MAYBES and POSSIBILIES to make one sick, to pile guilt upon guilt on their shoulders in an effort to feel it was somehow worth it.

But it wasn't.

Losing everything... how was ever it worth it? It's horrifying. It hurts, it's unfair, it's wrong. Why her, why him, why couldn't they belong to something better with the people they loved...

All he can do is cling and feel. Words would only take his honesty away.]