nnnnneeeeeway i said id write when i can do it right
there was a game yesterday with fucking nafuna. hate nafuna. not super hate like nyssa but god i hate her. something about industrialization making suffering just sets me on all sorts of fucking edges and idk why. like its not my usual echo wants to make others suffer edge there is just something about HERS that rubs me wrong.
zelos said i needed to be more understanding. tbh i dont know what to do when he says things liek that. i tried to figure out what i wasnt understanding and i dont think i got it right because he didnt get that surprised look he gets when i do manage to recover from shit like that. its not just him. theres other times where i know i dont understand things and im worried theres always going to be these things i dont get. i really hate it. i hate not knowing and not understanding. i know it makes sense that its hard because psychology but i still hate it.
i want to. i want to understand people i want to be better at the empathy thing. i try to learn and sometimes i do and sometimes i get i right but it feels like its never enough.
there was also the food thing in the game. ventus decided to starve and i don't know why. i don't know why there had to be a variation but they were so insistent and i dont know why. it didnt help my confusion with all the paying for shit. maybe if i knew more about how it worked id get it but i dont know. i don't know why we couldnt all go a little hungry and avoided starvation at all.
and [There's writing that's then scribbled out for about two lines.]
fuck no doing this right
i felt unsafe with ratatoskr for the first time. upset mad fighting sad felt all that shit but i always felt SAFE with rats as safe as i ever do ever did. gloss fucking picked it up and my god i kind of hate myself because i know it wouldnt happen. humans arent carapacians. my team wouldnt try to eat me but i couldnt get rid of the feeling. i wouldnt have managed to let ventus do it if gloss hadnt reassured me and ventus hadnt called us family
family wouldnt do that and still fucking had that feeling
after the game were dead people in vines and
no cant touch that yet either
i got a mem though!
callie uh died but its okay because we got a way to revive her! unfortunately wren is probs from my world and that sucks because no one should be from my world it sucks esp for trolls. also im my own mom genetically and omfg why is that a thing. but i know my mom-daughters name! its rose. pretty name for a pretty daughter thing.
there was this dude i call j sock cause i didnt say his name. he looked like jake and hes godtier too. he told me all bout their teams adventures so i guess i have that memory to look forward too. i dont know why but for some reason i was really happy to know they were there and that at least him and rose (hehe i can write her name) werent corrupted. like them being there meant things would be all right. things never feel like theyd be all right in my memories so its a nice change of pace.
hes gonna help me plan to get jane and jake free. dirks mia but its dirk hell figure shit out. i dont know what else he did before i remembered but i think he was making me feel a lot better. last memory i had in my cell was basically 'fuck that noise' about everything and =T feels. not sure when the last time was that i felt so hopeful in my memories but it helps.
...he also apparently came to find me. on roses orders but he came to help me and that just. it makes me happy.
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branchandroot
Entry 2
Date: 2014-07-11 12:04 am (UTC)writing while hungover
idek why i thought this was a brilliant idea fml
nnnnneeeeeway i said id write when i can do it right
there was a game yesterday with fucking nafuna. hate nafuna. not super hate like nyssa but god i hate her. something about industrialization making suffering just sets me on all sorts of fucking edges and idk why. like its not my usual echo wants to make others suffer edge there is just something about HERS that rubs me wrong.
zelos said i needed to be more understanding. tbh i dont know what to do when he says things liek that. i tried to figure out what i wasnt understanding and i dont think i got it right because he didnt get that surprised look he gets when i do manage to recover from shit like that. its not just him. theres other times where i know i dont understand things and im worried theres always going to be these things i dont get. i really hate it. i hate not knowing and not understanding. i know it makes sense that its hard because psychology but i still hate it.
i want to. i want to understand people i want to be better at the empathy thing. i try to learn and sometimes i do and sometimes i get i right but it feels like its never enough.
there was also the food thing in the game. ventus decided to starve and i don't know why. i don't know why there had to be a variation but they were so insistent and i dont know why. it didnt help my confusion with all the paying for shit. maybe if i knew more about how it worked id get it but i dont know. i don't know why we couldnt all go a little hungry and avoided starvation at all.
and [There's writing that's then scribbled out for about two lines.]
fuck no doing this right
i felt unsafe with ratatoskr for the first time. upset mad fighting sad felt all that shit but i always felt SAFE with rats as safe as i ever do ever did. gloss fucking picked it up and my god i kind of hate myself because i know it wouldnt happen. humans arent carapacians. my team wouldnt try to eat me but i couldnt get rid of the feeling. i wouldnt have managed to let ventus do it if gloss hadnt reassured me and ventus hadnt called us family
family wouldnt do that and still fucking had that feeling
after the game were dead people in vines and
no cant touch that yet either
i got a mem though!
callie uh died but its okay because we got a way to revive her! unfortunately wren is probs from my world and that sucks because no one should be from my world it sucks esp for trolls. also im my own mom genetically and omfg why is that a thing. but i know my mom-daughters name! its rose. pretty name for a pretty daughter thing.
there was this dude i call j sock cause i didnt say his name. he looked like jake and hes godtier too. he told me all bout their teams adventures so i guess i have that memory to look forward too. i dont know why but for some reason i was really happy to know they were there and that at least him and rose (hehe i can write her name) werent corrupted. like them being there meant things would be all right. things never feel like theyd be all right in my memories so its a nice change of pace.
hes gonna help me plan to get jane and jake free. dirks mia but its dirk hell figure shit out. i dont know what else he did before i remembered but i think he was making me feel a lot better. last memory i had in my cell was basically 'fuck that noise' about everything and =T feels. not sure when the last time was that i felt so hopeful in my memories but it helps.
...he also apparently came to find me. on roses orders but he came to help me and that just. it makes me happy.