[Before he left Zelos ripped a page out of the journal. Whenever he gets back he'll tape it haphazardly back in. Sorry he is not a book maker, how does he make these things look nice.]
I said I'd write in this. But I never know what to put. I'm going to do something different.
[Several words in angelic are written here. The way they connect, piled atop one another, their lines and curves intersecting here and there, form a picture. A graceful tree with a broad reaching canopy. Zelos might not be able to draw for shit, but he was schooled in penmanship and prevalent calligraphic styles and symbols, the same as the rest of the noble caste.]
Once upon a time, there existed a tree that was the source of all mana. It was the elves' tree, brought from their home of Derris-Kharlan. They called it the Great Kharlan Tree.
But the world encompassed more than just the elves. There were the dwarves and the protozoans, the summon spirits and the humans. And there were the half-elves. Neither human or elf, but something caught between.
The elves cultivated the forests. The dwarves mined the earth. The humans drew borders to form lands they called countries. Over time many countries were created and just as many were dissolved. Eventually two stood above the rest. The humans called them Tethe'alla and Sylvarant. Where many other countries had failed they persevered. This was because they enslaved half-elves, prevailing on them to fuse magic and technology together into the powerful magitechnology.
A war erupted between them, dragging the other countries and races onto the battlefield. This was the start of the Kharlan War that was fought for a thousand years.
. . .
The ancient Kharlan War ended four thousand years ago. The world has been paying for it ever since. My existence is a direct consequence of what happened all that time ago. It's no chance of fate that I was born or that I was the Chosen. It was engineered down to my genes.
I struggled with this for a long time. I overcame it at one point. It didn't matter if I was a creation or a puppet. And then I came here and I lost everything. That's not a euphemism or a dramatic metaphor.
The Zelos of my memories doesn't exist anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone. I don't even like writing it. Whenever we leave here I'd really appreciate it if you burn this page. But that's the truth of it I learned in Guy's heart. Nobody's to blame, but myself for not being stronger and the Reapers for fucking me up in the first place. I just have to live with it.
I have my choices. I can keep doing what I've been doing. Try to be that Zelos again. Be someone different. I could walk away if I wanted.
I'm not sure yet. But it feels nice to finally have the time to put things in perspective. Ridiculous how when I'm in the dorm and you're all asleep, or pretending to be asleep in Gloss and Akio's case and sometimes yours, I want to slip away and not come back. But I spend a day away and want to share things with all of you already. Not that I would. Because I never do. But I like having the option.
I have a pretty picky heart. But you already knew that.
I could write about a lot of things here. Watching Technic's soul slip away from his eyes. Lloyd and the others told me about when it happened to Colette. But I never thought about what it must have been like to be there. It's sick. Watching the last pieces of a person who had hopes and dreams just like anyone else disappear. I've seen a lot of people die. But this was worse.
I remembered becoming an angel. Seles's pain when I took my Cruxis Crystal back. Our last words were so hostile. Fake. We couldn't say the things we wanted to even to the end. And then I led the others into a trap.
I saw space. It was right outside the windows in Welgaia. The stars were so close and far away at the same time. Being hunted and attacked in the rain slick streets of the slums. There were Mizuho scouts there. If it was before or after my trip with Sheena I don't know.
Maybe they killed me. It sure hurt like hell.
I hate how my memories come back. Sometimes it's everything at once, sometimes it's small pieces I can't hope to make sense of.
This isn't making any sense I bet.
I guess if I'm going to put anything here I'll say I was really afraid when you disappeared. Your mirror was still there, but you weren't. When you didn't show up for breakfast I knew something was wrong. I looked all over. The other dorms, the pod room, the forest, the cove. I kind of guessed what had happened. I checked the edge of the void, but then the bells rang. I would have gone anyway. But I didn't think you'd be able to look at me if I let Akio or Sol get hurt.
It's crazy. Even writing this I feel like something will see and take you away. I don't know if that feeling will ever stop.
But don't read this and think you have to stay with me. I've lived through a lot more than most of the rest of you. Pretend that's not an old man thing to say. I can't help the truth. I don't want to hold you back.
[On the back of the paper is a drawing of Zelos's mirror with each shard labeled with a number. Next to it is a list of numbers with corresponding dates beside them. They're ordered in a timeline starting with the earliest memory of his life and ending with the one he knows as his most recent. A few have a (?) next to them to signify he doesn't know their date or exact place in everything. But for the most part he has a date for every shard.]
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branchandroot
Entry 6
Date: 2014-09-14 05:28 pm (UTC)I said I'd write in this. But I never know what to put. I'm going to do something different.
[Several words in angelic are written here. The way they connect, piled atop one another, their lines and curves intersecting here and there, form a picture. A graceful tree with a broad reaching canopy. Zelos might not be able to draw for shit, but he was schooled in penmanship and prevalent calligraphic styles and symbols, the same as the rest of the noble caste.]
Once upon a time, there existed a tree that was the source of all mana. It was the elves' tree, brought from their home of Derris-Kharlan. They called it the Great Kharlan Tree.
But the world encompassed more than just the elves. There were the dwarves and the protozoans, the summon spirits and the humans. And there were the half-elves. Neither human or elf, but something caught between.
The elves cultivated the forests. The dwarves mined the earth. The humans drew borders to form lands they called countries. Over time many countries were created and just as many were dissolved. Eventually two stood above the rest. The humans called them Tethe'alla and Sylvarant. Where many other countries had failed they persevered. This was because they enslaved half-elves, prevailing on them to fuse magic and technology together into the powerful magitechnology.
A war erupted between them, dragging the other countries and races onto the battlefield. This was the start of the Kharlan War that was fought for a thousand years.
The ancient Kharlan War ended four thousand years ago. The world has been paying for it ever since. My existence is a direct consequence of what happened all that time ago. It's no chance of fate that I was born or that I was the Chosen. It was engineered down to my genes.
I struggled with this for a long time. I overcame it at one point. It didn't matter if I was a creation or a puppet. And then I came here and I lost everything. That's not a euphemism or a dramatic metaphor.
The Zelos of my memories doesn't exist anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone. I don't even like writing it. Whenever we leave here I'd really appreciate it if you burn this page. But that's the truth of it I learned in Guy's heart. Nobody's to blame, but myself for not being stronger and the Reapers for fucking me up in the first place. I just have to live with it.
I have my choices. I can keep doing what I've been doing. Try to be that Zelos again. Be someone different. I could walk away if I wanted.
I'm not sure yet. But it feels nice to finally have the time to put things in perspective. Ridiculous how when I'm in the dorm and you're all asleep, or pretending to be asleep in Gloss and Akio's case and sometimes yours, I want to slip away and not come back. But I spend a day away and want to share things with all of you already. Not that I would. Because I never do. But I like having the option.
I have a pretty picky heart. But you already knew that.
I could write about a lot of things here. Watching Technic's soul slip away from his eyes. Lloyd and the others told me about when it happened to Colette. But I never thought about what it must have been like to be there. It's sick. Watching the last pieces of a person who had hopes and dreams just like anyone else disappear. I've seen a lot of people die. But this was worse.
I remembered becoming an angel. Seles's pain when I took my Cruxis Crystal back. Our last words were so hostile. Fake. We couldn't say the things we wanted to even to the end. And then I led the others into a trap.
I saw space. It was right outside the windows in Welgaia. The stars were so close and far away at the same time. Being hunted and attacked in the rain slick streets of the slums. There were Mizuho scouts there. If it was before or after my trip with Sheena I don't know.
Maybe they killed me. It sure hurt like hell.
I hate how my memories come back. Sometimes it's everything at once, sometimes it's small pieces I can't hope to make sense of.
This isn't making any sense I bet.
I guess if I'm going to put anything here I'll say I was really afraid when you disappeared. Your mirror was still there, but you weren't. When you didn't show up for breakfast I knew something was wrong. I looked all over. The other dorms, the pod room, the forest, the cove. I kind of guessed what had happened. I checked the edge of the void, but then the bells rang. I would have gone anyway. But I didn't think you'd be able to look at me if I let Akio or Sol get hurt.
It's crazy. Even writing this I feel like something will see and take you away. I don't know if that feeling will ever stop.
But don't read this and think you have to stay with me. I've lived through a lot more than most of the rest of you. Pretend that's not an old man thing to say. I can't help the truth. I don't want to hold you back.
[On the back of the paper is a drawing of Zelos's mirror with each shard labeled with a number. Next to it is a list of numbers with corresponding dates beside them. They're ordered in a timeline starting with the earliest memory of his life and ending with the one he knows as his most recent. A few have a (?) next to them to signify he doesn't know their date or exact place in everything. But for the most part he has a date for every shard.]