thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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If I don't remember, then I'll probs do it again. Can't do it again....

Moving on isn't forgetting it. It's remembering, but not letting it weigh you down like it's been.

And ... "can't" is a strong word to use, too. Everybody makes mistakes, and ... maybe in the future we'll make more. All of us. That's what part of being alive is. But don't put impossible expectations on yourself like that, or else it's just going to be something else that sits on you, keeps you feeling like you're suffocating. Do your best, remember your mistakes and make choices in the future with everything you've gone through and learned in mind. They'll work ... sometimes they might not, but it's not something to hate and blame yourself for. We all love you, we'll all support you, and we'll never ... never blame you, or not forgive you, for doing something that you felt was right, something that you thought would help.

[She curls up tighter, pressing her face against her knees.]

You should.

All this big bad shit keeps happening, and I'm the common factor. Try to save the day, fuck it up. Try and be patient, still fuck it up. It always falls apart.

Only you think that, because you're being too hard on yourself. I don't think I should at all, so I don't. Please ... don't try to push that away, just because you think you don't deserve it. Because you do. People wouldn't feel the way I do, if you truly didn't deserve it. Do you think we'd be here, if things really all fell apart? Telling you these things?

Things can fall apart, but they can be rebuilt, they can be put back together. It's-- frustrating, when it happens a lot, but that's what we're here for! We're here no matter how many times it happens, for you! We'll never blame you, we don't blame you for this ... the one one blaming you is yourself, now ... when you shouldn't look down on following your heart and doing what you thought was right.

Why are you here?!

I got you killed. Knew it was fifty fifty that you would die anyway if I confessed!

Same for Castling, I wasn't surprised Epona caved, and it was his team that would go with them!

That's the point ... "you'd die anyway." How that game was set up is no fault of yours at all. It was unfair, people were going to die no matter what. Do you blame Epona for confessing? Dawon for what they chose in the end? It was a game meant to make us regret what we did, no matter what we did. No matter how hard we tried.

We're here because we know that. We're here because we know that no matter what happened, you did what you did because it was you, you were being true to you, the you that didn't want to be a pawn in that game, or choose who to kill over another team, and because it's you that's our friend.

But Epona wasn't GOING to! Not without the pressure I put on them..

I knew they would probably cave if I confessed and I did it anyway...I couldn't blame them...and Dawon was new....

I was a terrible friend.

Edited 2015-01-28 06:16 (UTC)

... you don't know that for sure, Roxy. That just brings us back to what ifs all over again. But you're trying your best to forgive them for their actions, to not blame them, while taking all of it onto yourself. When you deserve the exact same thing. When you have the exact same thing from all of us.

I know it hurts to not have been able to do something more. ... I know that feeling all too well, to see people you care about have to hurt, have to suffer. To take an action that you end up regretting. None of us could do anything about that game or make it hurt less. You trying doesn't make you a terrible friend. A terrible friend ... hurts people intentionally, hurts people and doesn't care about it. You're not a terrible friend. You're an amazing friend, because you do care.

Then why....

Why can't I just...

[ Reaches out to hug her. ]

[She doesn't fight it and just....sobs against him.]

It's okay ... it's okay ... I'm here. I'm always here.

[She will just]

[Keep crying on him.]

[There might be a ping of bf needing to make a connection too. No free rides for him. ):]

[ He'll wait for the bf then.

And hope he asks himself WWRD (what would Rook do).

But he'll stroke her hair in the meantime. ]

[It is a good question to ask.]

[Gonna be so wet, sorry bro.]

[Fun for the whole family]

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Heart Game (Continued)

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