thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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[draws one knee up to his torso and thunks his head against it with a grumble]

. . . I'm a little tired. Doom was kind of-- [personal? She hit close to home, anyway]

A-anyway, some of the things in here just reminded me of myself, s'all.

[She smiles gently, relaxes a little herself.]

doom can be a handful. but one of us has to be hard in this heart unfortunately and it kind of falls to her.

not surprising. though maybe its not all bad?

I don't blame her for it.

I just don't want to resign myself to death the same way she did. Maybe I'm still optimistic, though. I dunno.

[that part is thoughtful]

And I don't think it's all bad, no. But this shouldn't be about me, anyway. Roxy's the one having a tough time, right?

lol resigned? nah thats not rly the right word. if i was resigned i wouldnt keep fighting it. it wouldnt hurt as badly as it does. unless youre counting the fact i could leave ppl to die when i kno i cant save them but that still hurts too. its why i have to save who i can save. makes it bearable.

but its a lie to say death hasnt shaped who i am as a person. its made its impact n to ignore it is to deny a part of myself.

theres nothing wrong with being optimistic. at a certain scale it can be dangerous to not accept you cant save everyone but you should never assume the option is off the table til u have all the facts.

...

part of my tough time is feeling like a failure. that i cant make a difference. in truth a rogue of voids abilities r open ended nuff that its conceivable it could solve what happened but i cant convince myself that im good nuff to do that. to be the hero.

ive been feeling like a failure for a long time now like i cant help anyone when they actually need it.

thats why godtierring was important. thats why the question was important.

ppl needed to know that we need to be trusted as much as were willing to trust them.

[he's quiet as he listens, thoughtfully taking her words to heart and allowing them to shed new light on how her first perceived doom. resignation may not be the right word, and it is definitely fair to say death has shaped her, but. . .]

Then I guess it's more accurate to say I don't want to let death shape me.

[and he's trying not to let it]

. . . and for what it's worth, you're definitely not a failure. You've been through a lot. Done a lot.

And you've still got your future ahead of you, yeah? A chance to do even more.

[There are several moments where Roxy just has this...thoughtful, concerned look on her face.]

you should be able to avoid it as long as it didnt take long to catch em i think

i believe that but as a whole roxy doesnt. ive seen the smaller victories and the few major ones but its hard to remember em when the failures pile on. thats why we wanted help to make it easier to realize we can still do things knight light n me.

[a nod, and he turns his attention towards the view again]

Did we help?

you wouldnt be here if you didnt.

ill feel less alone when i wake up. thatll make a whole lotta diff.

[smile]

Rage told me that bonds and friendship are what soften the whispers of the void. So if not feeling alone strengthens her desire to exist, then that's something to feel accomplished about.

they do. fills the emptiness so it doesnt feel all consuming. that or cuz u got a responsibility hard to say. like to think its the former.

less reason to walk. more reason to figure things out.