thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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[Writing most of what he said before down, though condensed.

Be patient with yourself.

Keep being there for others, even if it's difficult. Let them come to conclusions themselves. Don't take on that burden alone. Voice what you need to the people you care about.]

I'll try to remember.

Dun be afraid to take your own advice though, okay?

You're asking a coward to not be afraid, you know.

[An empty laugh, before his smile grows a little more honest.]

...But yeah. I'll try, too.

Everyone gets afraid, you know.

[She smiles fondly.] That's all I ask.

[Now you stand in front of a tall building.]

TG: thats the lab
TG: need to get on the roof
TG: theres a ladder down
TG: n also
TG: be a good friend

[And then it disconnected.]

[Which might be a bit vague except you can now also see a figure standing in between you and the building.]

[It’s Roxy. Standing there in a t-shirt, skirt, and leggings, her mother’s scarf wrapped around her. In her hand is a piece of glass covered in blood, her own clothes stained the same. Around her are bodies. The bodies of her friends and Rose.]

[She looks over her shoulder at you, and she’s smiling, but her eyes are empty. She turns to you, and perhaps you’ll realize the blood is HERS. She’s covered in jagged injuries, but nowhere vital. Those spots are covered in bands of tiamt-with-black, a vibrant red, three different blues, and green. She holds out the shard of glass.]

Kill me.

[It's that same rush of discomfort, of familiarity so nauseating that he visibly fights the urge to buckle over. But to right himself, seeing her injured, empty, and asking for death--

Anger stiffens his motions as he strides up to her, grabs the shard... and drops it as he backhands her hard across the face.]

[Her body jerks, her torso moving to the side, face away, though she stays on her feet.]

...

[He holds his ground in front of her, fists clenched tight, seething but thinly restraining his temper behind careful, icy words as he speaks.]

If you die, you won't be able to feel me hit you anymore.

Don't ask such stupid things.

....

[She straightens up.]

Not really stupid. Everyone's got a breakin' point.

And what the hell do you think dying will change about that?? Just give you some sort of permanent escape? Let you forget??

How is that not stupid??

[She gestures to the bodies.]

Only the natural desire when you remembered seeing everyone you lived for die.

You think I don't know that?

If that's your desire, then does anything else in here really matter to you? The people you love and care about, the people who've you've lost... Hydra, Zelos, Jake, Jane, Dirk, your mother -- you're talking about throwing them all away, throwing away what has happened to you, and to them, for the sake of your own goddamn despair!

What the hell do you think that will leave behind???

Leave behind?

Leave behind for who?

Us! Your teammates, your friends, all the people who are here now!

Considering the pattern, just seems a matter of time before I'm left alone again.

Don't make that decision for us, Roxy! Those of us that are around choose to be around, regardless of what's happened!

Don't pretend like you want to be left alone, after all this! [Gesturing wildly to the bloodied mess around them] Would they want you off killing yourself just because they were gone?? Are you making them proud over that?? Or would they want you to try and fight for any happiness you could take, because you survived for a reason??

What reason?

A Rogue of Void is a passive class. Support.

What can I support when my team is dead? That they all died when I was right there, but couldn't do a thing because I let someone sleep spell me?

[She spreads her arms out wide.]

What happiness is there in a universe where almost everything in it is literally destroyed? The Reapers wouldn't have had to work very hard to finish it off.

Then find it somewhere else! Don't just pass up the chance you've been given in Kyriakos, Roxy!! Don't ignore the happiness that's right in front of you or the support you can give now, just because you're scared it might be taken from you again!

[There is a hollow laugh.]

And you're saying that?

[Sucking in a breath because O U C H]

Yeah, I am.

I remember those nights, back when I was sixteen, where I had nothing left. I couldn't bring anyone back, I couldn't do anything to avenge them, and I couldn't progress no matter how hard I tried. Nights where I'd lay in bed after too many nightmares and wonder why the hell I couldn't have died along with everyone else.

I'm not saying any of this because it's easy, Roxy. It's not. It's hard. It hurts. It's sleepless nights and frightening days and too much time wondering why. You spend your life waiting for any good things to disappear, for people to leave or die or vanish, because that's just how it always works.

[D E S T I N Y]

Exactly! [And there's bite there, bitterness.]

....that's how it always works.

They were supposed to be the exception, to make it worth enduring.

And Luke was supposed to be my exception! He was - he IS - my exception! Except even for as much as I took care of him and kept him safe, I still had to watch him get taken from me three times, even in Kyriakos, even in a place where I should have a chance at keeping things normal for once! He's the only way I found any damn reason to be happy again, and I screwed it up because even though I had chance after chance, even though I begged, I still couldn't save him!

[A break, his voice cracking and expression tight with anger. It takes him a moment to gather himself again.]

I have to wake myself up every morning to that, Roxy. I have to fight myself. I detach. I want to vanish and hope for something that isn't my life. But I still choose to try. Because I refuse to return to a world without him, and the only way to do that is if I'm still alive and around to try and fight for him.

At least you have that option! [And that's a snap and the smile fades even though she still looks dead inside.]

I don't.

I can't fight for them. They were dead before the Reapers. Heroic, Just, my mother bled out in my arms because even the one I had a chance to save, I was still too late. It doesn't MATTER if I live because I can't save them. No Dream Selves, no Godtier, no Life powers. Just dead kids.

I can take losing things over and over and over and fucking OVER again, as long as there was a chance. There was a real chance to get 'em back, but I DON'T.

They're gone. The one good thing I had back home. The ONLY good thing I ever had back home.

I only have that option because I'm not going to allow there to BE another option!

If I focused on what I remember, then I've lost them all, too. The only difference is that I know he's out there with an Echo somewhere, that maybe somehow, if things can be changed, he can make it home and not have to disappear like he always does! And I can't accept that there's any other option than that, because I can't accept being left with nothing again!

I don't care what it takes, Roxy, but if that world isn't something you can accept, then can't you realize you're in one of the ONLY positions you'll ever manage to try and actually change it? Whether it's changing your world or, hell, finding something for yourself somewhere else, something that actually has some joy for once.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT JOY WITH THEM!

[And there's anger. There's anger and so much pain.]

I was born to be with them! To grow together, to conquer that Game, to get a happy ending we deserved! Jane was supposed to learn the truth, believe and see how mysterious the world really is, and lead us to victory and show us how to make a proper victory cake. Jake was supposed to get a grand adventure, hang out with me and making sure Jane and Dirk weren't being totes fuddy duddies, and maybe figure out what he wants from romance.

I was supposed to MEET CALLIOPE in the flesh after saving her from her horrible brother. I was supposed to stop missing the help Shades needed and help him find security in his fuckin' identity.

I was supposed to meet Rose and we were gonna have a supes awesome family reunion, and hell maybe even get to meet my son I apparently got, and we were gonna figure out why we felt this close without meeting.

[And now there's tears, a lot of tears.]

And Dirk and I were supposed to be happy! Dirk would have something living around 'sides puppets and a tiny horse. He was gonna get to try so much homemade fresh food thanks to Jane, he was gonna get to explore so much more land than a fucking apartment in the see with Jake, and I was gonna make sure he got every hug he never got growing up. We were gonna figure out how to be around humans together, we were gonna meet our family together, we were gonna keep our friends SAFE to the end.

I was supposed to see when Dirk managed a real smile without a hint of sadness years from now when our childhood stopped haunting us.

We were supposed to protect them. [Her voice cracks.]

Not be the one whose weapon killed 'em while the other was asleep.

How am I supposed to save them when I couldn't even keep them from dying the first time around?

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