thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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[She cries and cries and cries, but eventually quiets and just hugs for a little longer.]

[But the mood whiplash comes and you're back in the Neighborhood, in front of a tall building.]

TG: thats the lab
TG: need to get on the roof
TG: theres a ladder down
TG: n also
TG: be a good friend

[And then it disconnected.]

[Which might be a bit vague except you can now also see a figure standing in between you and the building.]

[It’s Roxy. Standing there in a t-shirt, skirt, and leggings, her mother’s scarf wrapped around her. In her hand is a piece of glass covered in blood, her own clothes stained the same. Around her are bodies. The bodies of her friends and Rose.]

[She looks over her shoulder at you, and she’s smiling, but her eyes are empty. She turns to you, and perhaps you’ll realize the blood is HERS. She’s covered in jagged injuries, but nowhere vital. Those spots are covered in bands of tiamt-with-black, a vibrant red, and blue. She holds out the shard of glass.]

Kill me.

[OW WHIPLASH

OW PROBABLY LOST MY WEAPONS FOR GOOD

OW NOW THIS FRESH HELL]

.....

Why?

[No, they're back in your sylladex, HEART IS THOUGHTFUL.]

'Cause I wanna die.

[thank you heart i didn't want to leave pointy stabby things in you]

[.....

She's seen those eyes before, reflected back at her in the gazes of fellow Silver Fangs during certain memories. Lys had wanted to die in the most permanent sense of the word. But she couldn't, because her werewolf body wouldn't allow her to. She'd just come back no matter what, trapped in a life she didn't want and believed she could never deserve.

Hydra had thought of her as stupid, selfish, blind to everything except her own pain. Yet here Roxy was, mirroring it.]

Why?

[A slow, careful approach.]

[She gestures to the dead bodies.]

Because I'm the only one left.

[Nodding, still closing the distance.]

Because you're always the only one left. Right?

Yes.

I know. And it's not fair at all. But wanting to die.....this isn't the only option you have. It's never the only option. You can't realize that right now, because you're clouded with misery.

[Quick as she can, she reaches out to take Roxy's face in both hands. Failing that, she'll grab for her shoulders.]

Friends don't let friends stay blind. I learned that from you!

[As the Light, she'll banish that clouded perception, burn away the fog of despair, and give back some much-needed clarity. Some incredibly important clarity, a clarity that refuses to be ignored. She puts all she has into the effort.]

That blood....those bonds....they're not meant to be chains, weights made of failure and loneliness, but your strength. That's what your friends and mother from home were to you, why their loss hurts so badly......and it's why me and everyone else is here!

The only options I have are longshots at best. Longshots compared to everything else that already was.

[The light has an affect, the empty smile shifting to just a look of pure pain and despair.]

They can't be a strength when they're gone!

[And it, unfortunately, has another affect.]

[It's better than the emptiness. It's better than something fake. The truth can be cruel and it can be painful but it is always, always, always better than a comfortable or convenient lie.

Hydra draws strength from that thought even as the memory rocks through her system and blur her vision with tears.]

....then you make those longshots work. Rewrite the rules, make the odds change to be in your favor! And don't....don't you dare tell me those important people can't still support you! Don't you fucking dare!

I left my home for a reason I can't remember. Maybe my family's dead, too. But they're still my strength, Roxy, because I remember them! I remember how much they cared about me, that they loved me! I remember that connection!

If you die like you're saying you want to, if you give up, you're denying all of us! The memories of your friends and mother, and the friends that are here now, fighting to help you. You're pretending none of what you shared with them, or us, ever existed!

[She jerks back as if she was slapped.]

I...I would never-of course they existed!

[good

but now we hug instead of facegrab, because although her aspect doesn't deal in bonds, she can at least provide this physical example of a connection]

That's right, they did. Just like you exist, and I exist. It's other people that validate our existence, and it's through those connections, those bonds.....You can still do that for them now, and in return they can still give you strength. So don't die. Don't go into the void to never leave it again. Live.

I know, I know you haven't really given up, or I wouldn't be here. Because you wouldn't be.....you'd already be gone.

[a squeeze]

You're the only one who can break those links. You have that power. And you haven't.

[She's shaking her head violently, trying to pull away.]

Why does it have to be ME?! Why do...why do I always have to be the one looking, saving, standing, why does it always have to be me?!

Why....why do I...why can't I just be allowed to have them?!

[STOP REJECTING MY LOVE

also let's see about tapping into the what and why of those purple with black/blue/vibrant red bonds while hug is not allowed to be broken off]

Because I guess you're the only one who can. But you don't have to do it alone, even if it feels like you don't have any other choice to. You're not alone now. I won't abandon you no matter how hard you try to push me away.

[part of being a good friend is riding out the emotional explosions - sadness, anger, fear - and not turning your back on that person even if they seem too far gone to be saved, to be helped]

I don't know. I don't know why what you want keeps being taken from you. It's stupid and cruel. But....I believe you can change that. You're someone who can steal from nothing to make anything. And, you're you - one of the most loyal people I've ever known. I feel safe trusting you to do something that seems impossible, because you already have.....because you wouldn't leave it like this.

Your friends would feel the same.

[Black is duty, responsibility. If she's a Doomed Timeline, she has to restore the universe for her friends to exist in ANY timeline. Also a small glimmering of hope maybe she could change it, she could FIX it.]

[Red is promises. Current bonds, and promises to help get the bonds of before, to not have to go it alone. It's also got a lot of Blood tied into it.]

[The blue is void. Void being stolen, taken away from her, give her room to think, to breathe against it's call when there's so little to combat it.]

I'm not. I can't do the impossible, I keep trying, and I can't! I keep fucking it up, making it worse, and I can't fix it, Hydra!

[She's sobbing.] I just want the people I love, the people who want ME, and I don't know why I have to keep fighting so hard just to have it! Wasn't sixteen years long enough?!

[Focus on the hope. Small, but there. It's there, it exists, don't turn away from it, don't give up on it.

Focus on the promises. The bonds, those precious connections, the support and strength they offer.

Infuse them with blinding light, bring to attention the unshakable truth of them. There's other options, other possibilities. Still, even now, there are. It doesn't have to be like this. Make them more important than the despair and fear and disbelief.]

You can.

[Firm, a certainty with no give in it.]

And you do have that. You have it right now. Because I want you. And you know I don't lie.

[The bands are expanding now.]

[She flinches back.]

I...you could do so much better than me!

[See, there might have been a reason she was so good at helping you. '-']

[Focus, focus, focus.]

You don't get to decide that, Roxy. And.....and you're not a thing to be held up and compared to other things, a thing that's inferior and should be discarded because it can't measure up.

[She still speaks with truth, but it's a truth with achingly familiar undertones this time. She knows this mindset, the cruel logic of it, how hard it is to break it from the inside by yourself.]

You're a very important person to me. You're precious, as yourself. You're not inferior to others. I want you.

[She's starting to shake.]

Why would you even WANT me?! I-I'm a wreck! A fucked up kid who doesn't know how to trust or open up and dealing with such epic messed up shit that...that NO ONE should have to deal with!

[

i'm just going to kiss you now]

[This is a very messy, very wet kiss because there are tears everywhere.]

[But this time she doesn't pull away and she just kind of...collapses into her.]

[she catches roxy easily, holds her close]

You asked me why I'd want you, and I'll tell you the truth. Can you listen a little easier, now?

...

[Nods.]

You're patient with me, you're kind to me, you're nice to be around. And, well, I wouldn't be where I am today without you. I mean, I can value myself now.....I can have my own opinions, and defend them, and make decisions for my own sake. I can feel pride and desire and have that be okay.

But it's not just that. It's not only because you did something for me.

It's because.....you make me happy. You understand me in ways that other people can't, or won't. I feel safe when I'm with you.

I want you because I love you. That's the best way I can explain it.

[Sometimes the truth is cruel. But sometimes, it's blessedly simple.]

....

[Well, that's just a heart wrenching sob.]

[And there's yet more blue bands on this girl, sob.]

Heart Game (Continued)

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