Heart Game (Continued)

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[There's nothing]

[Nothing]

[Nothingnothingnothingnothingnothing]

[Isn't that wonderful though?]

Heart Prep | Sign in for SCORED runs | Chumroll | MEMO, oh god | Passive Skills (PLEASE FILL OUT, true godtiers can wait, but need Faketiers when you enter) | Mechanics

IRC: #Voidheart. Plurk pings: Alwaysterrible.

Original Heart Post

ENTER | CHUMROLL CONTINUED | BEDROOM | BREATH | TIME | SPACE | LIFE 1 LIFE 2 | BLOOD 1 BLOOD 2 | MIND | DOOM 1 DOOM 2 | RAGE 1 RAGE 2 | HOPE

Comments

Re: RAGE

[menially]

[Plopping himself down next to her, then. Closer than the phobia usually allows, but goddammit he will milk this as much as he can, if it will continue to help this heart out.]

You look like you've got a lot on your mind.

Re: DOOM

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

That's right.

So the moment you reject part of your history, of yourself, you're not going to get far, are you?

[carptricks]

[f r e e z i n g because he sure as hell remembers this. his heart was already beating rapidly from all of that running from earlier, but now he can feel it hammer in his ears too]

[the first time he had ever died, right here. Yaksinis's cry wolf game. the tpk]

[he knows how this one is going to end]

[he flexes his hands at his sides, and takes a deep breath]

[of course he confesses]

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

TG: r u rly gonna french a corpse
TG: omf

Re: DOOM

[fuhrinkaed]

[Staring at phone.]

[Shrug.]

Well... Can't say I expected that.

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[fuhrinkaed]

DW: If necessary.
DW: I do what I have to do, remember?

Re: RAGE

[bloodbiter]

[pauses]

I know it might not make sense to you now. But... It's important for your heart to know that.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Always do.

Why I'm out here. Helps organize thoughts. [Gonna start chewing on the end of her pen now.]

Re: RAGE

[showyouthesight]

[ He's just going to keep going despite that, trying to pull her closer, aching to pass along his sincerity in his belief in her through the contact, through the touch. This is how he's always tried to reach people, not just through words but through real tangible action. Words are one thing. They hold their own power. But the true nature of his strength has always rested in the combination of his emotions and the bonds that fuel them. And now, all he can do is rely on that strength to reach out to Roxy. ]

It's okay to be afraid. And nobody's going to blame you for finding it difficult to believe. That's why you have the rest of us, everyone here, everyone in this heart, fighting with you. We know you can work miracles, Roxy. We've seen them here.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[The vines come, they wrap around you, and the teams are still up, still going to DIE without any mercy, and it's guilt and horror, and you already hate yourself, but you could deal, you could deal, you could fool yourself into thinking you could deal-]

[Except it keeps going. Epona confesses, and it would be a lie to say part of you hadn't predicted that, that they would cave under your confession, that maybe it was a hope to end the game more quickly even if thought filled you with self loathing, but when you could have dealt before, you can't now, not now, because it doesn't end.]

[It doesn't end it doesn't end it doesn't end and you have started a chain reaction of people refusing, or breaking rules, and everyone is dying dying dying and it's EVERYONE and it's all your fault, because you see it now. You see it's in the rules now, and you should have seen BEFORE, but you DIDN'T.]

[You see everyone die, see all the people you KILLED because of your own incompetence and fear.]

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

TG: chaste kiss works 2 numbutt

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[fuhrinkaed]

DW: Then I will do that.

Re: DOOM

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

The Game is a morbid fuck.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[Know what?]

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

TG: le sign

Re: RAGE

[menially]

More than usual, I mean.

I don't mean to interrupt you.

[A pause, watching her gnaw the end of her pen.]

Do you mind if I ask you something, though?

Re: DOOM

[fuhrinkaed]

Ehh. Far be it from me to judge.

[I guess we will do the chaste smooch thing.]

Re: RAGE

[bloodbiter]

To know that you're much more than any role that someone tries to put you into. You matter because you are you.

Re: tipsyGnostalgic

[fuhrinkaed]

DW: Hey, if you wanted a kiss you should have asked. :P

Re: DOOM

[pawper]

[ >tactical nuke drop to sensitive personal issue, CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE

She opens her mouth, gaping a bit. Closes it, grits her teeth. She wants to protest, to deny. It's not the same thing at all! If you knew what Lys was like, how stupid and selfish she was.....she deserves to be denied! She deserves to be forgotten! She's not me! THAT'S NOT ME!

If it was anyone else's heart, or just about anyone else's, she just might have.

Hydra covers her face for a long moment. Forces herself to breathe. But she's a Maid of Light, she knows the truth when she hears it. Truth has never promised to always be kind, or easy.

In a strained, trembling voice:]

.....no, that's right. You won't. Because rejection, it's denial. And you can't deal with something you pretend doesn't exist. You can't achieve the balance you need.

[carptricks]

[nope nope nope nnnnope he's struggling against those restraints immediately because baaaad pings bad pings bad pings. watching this event from Roxy's point of view is trippy as hell, because he remembers it. . . he remembers it so clearly, but hell, it certainly isn't something anyone could forget. he had to watch the chain reaction last time. watch as each team fell like a piece of dominoes, but this time, can he maybe. . .]

[yanks against the restraints one last time and focuses on every vine he can see-- the ones around him, the ones around others, the ones snaking out of the ground and lashing at everyone-- and tries to make all of them disappear]

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[There is...something else. A memory, a feeling.]

[It was always overwhelming to be touched by people, you long since figured out is because you're used to the hard shells of Carapacians. Save for one thing; when people held your hands. It was the most natural feeling of contact with another human, and you always woke from your dreams so much more easily when you were holding someone's hands in the night.]

[You learn about dream selves, how you apparently sleepwalk, and Dirk drags you back, and it makes sense. Even if you were alone while you were awake, there was another you that was able to touch, to reach your friends. Even if she was always asleep, it was something. It was Important.]

[And now here she is, and she knows people are coming. Rage is HER room, she knows how many are there, running for her, and she doesn't understand because she's not important, she's not she's not she's not but then WHY ARE THEY HERE.]

[Why is he holding her hands, why is he saying these things, when it goes against everything you've been able to feel about yourself for so long.]

[She sobs and falls to her knees, but her hands are still in his, and the clotted blood is starting to thrum with new life.] I'm so tired.

I'm so tired of being the one to perform the miracles. I dunno if I even CAN, and they....they keep havin' me do it alone and I don't-

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[She waves a hand, gestures for him to go on, and it's...obvious. She's very tired.]

Re: DOOM

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[You kiss her, and her lips are cold, almost burning.]

[You're afraid to die. You don't actually want to die, and there's that niggling thought of what if you DON'T come back, but it keeps happening.]

[You feel a piece of glass pierce through your heart. The vines twisting, twining around you, tearing your flesh and bleeding you dry.]

[If you live, someone else will have to die. Like every other time you were spared, every other time you lived, it's because someone else died in your place.]

[Something unknown running you through along with a sword from someone who is supposed to be your ally.]

[It's easy to take everything wrong with your head and use it. It's so ridiculously simple the first time self sacrifice is an option. You've had worse. You've died before. You destroy those fears and doubts, bury them deep in the void that is your soul until you no longer feel them anymore. You probably couldn't now if you tried.]

[You feel the burn of poison in your veins, the heat of total soul deconstruction.]

[But you'll be damned if you let someone die just so you could live ever again.]

[Finally ending with the burn of total incineration.]

[And a feeling, a desire.]

[Please, please just let it all end. Let nothingness take me.]

[But the clock goes, and you come back, because there is no heroic or just. You're completely fine.]

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

....

No.




Safety.




In.

Me.