Heart Game (Continued)

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[There's nothing]

[Nothing]

[Nothingnothingnothingnothingnothing]

[Isn't that wonderful though?]

Heart Prep | Sign in for SCORED runs | Chumroll | MEMO, oh god | Passive Skills (PLEASE FILL OUT, true godtiers can wait, but need Faketiers when you enter) | Mechanics

IRC: #Voidheart. Plurk pings: Alwaysterrible.

Original Heart Post

ENTER | CHUMROLL CONTINUED | BEDROOM | BREATH | TIME | SPACE | LIFE 1 LIFE 2 | BLOOD 1 BLOOD 2 | MIND | DOOM 1 DOOM 2 | RAGE 1 RAGE 2 | HOPE

Comments

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Why? Why don't you? I started it, I fucked it up!

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

The echo did. Not you.

And I do not blame you because I know you would not do something like that intentionally with a mind to harm anyone else.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

...

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

You were stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do not believe any decision anyone would have made in that game could have come out favourably.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

There might have been something.

There was defs chance for less death.

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

I do not think that game was deviced to have a fair outcome, no matter what we did. And I... do not think beating yourself up over it will make yourself feel better either. What you did should have been the best solution, had not the echo acted unfairly.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

...

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

I would not want you to feel bad about something that went out of your control. Because it is not your fault.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Then why does it feel that way?

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

Because... you are a caring and kind person. If you had not been that, this would probably not have... felt like this for you.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

...

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

You... are a very important friend to me, Roxy. And I know that whatever you did or do is with the best interest for everyone. No one is perfect, no one can foresee the full result or consequences of their actions, but that does not make them less of a person or less caring, less trying to do their best. Least of all you.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

I saw nuff to know you and Rook were going to die.

Amalthea and Takshaka was closest to my team. Epona was more likely to cave after me, and that meant your team.

I saw that coming when I confessed.

What kind of friend does that?

Re: RAGE

[lucciola]

You refused to play by the rules... the rules that would probably have meant we all died somehow, regardless. Do... you blame the other teams for their decisions after yours? I would rather have it end early as it did, than dragging it out endlessly.

You did what you did because you would not choose to kill anyone. I could never blame you for that. Because you care so much. And because you are our friend.

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

[ Oh that was a thing.

A familiar thing.

Always the vine memories. ]

... There was no fair way out of that game. Playing along ... wouldn't have changed much, how the game turned out, or how you felt about what you did if you didn't confess. It would have hurt either way ... that was the point of the game. And your actions were your own, but everything that happened after that ... wasn't your fault. Nobody even blames you for what you did, because ... a lot of us would have done the same. We understand, Roxy. And we don't hate you for it. Nor do we want you do hate yourself for it.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[Vines are fun for the whole family.]

But I'm the one who did it. I'm the one who caved and started the whole chain. If I had just...just kept a cooler head or SOMETHING, people could have lived.

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

... we don't know that for sure. And what ifs ... we shouldn't focus on the what ifs. Whether they would have turned out better, whether they would have turned out worse. The point is, we don't know. And we shouldn't dwell on it to the point where it hurts us so much. Because then we can't move on from it.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

If I don't remember, then I'll probs do it again. Can't do it again....

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

Moving on isn't forgetting it. It's remembering, but not letting it weigh you down like it's been.

And ... "can't" is a strong word to use, too. Everybody makes mistakes, and ... maybe in the future we'll make more. All of us. That's what part of being alive is. But don't put impossible expectations on yourself like that, or else it's just going to be something else that sits on you, keeps you feeling like you're suffocating. Do your best, remember your mistakes and make choices in the future with everything you've gone through and learned in mind. They'll work ... sometimes they might not, but it's not something to hate and blame yourself for. We all love you, we'll all support you, and we'll never ... never blame you, or not forgive you, for doing something that you felt was right, something that you thought would help.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[She curls up tighter, pressing her face against her knees.]

You should.

All this big bad shit keeps happening, and I'm the common factor. Try to save the day, fuck it up. Try and be patient, still fuck it up. It always falls apart.

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

Only you think that, because you're being too hard on yourself. I don't think I should at all, so I don't. Please ... don't try to push that away, just because you think you don't deserve it. Because you do. People wouldn't feel the way I do, if you truly didn't deserve it. Do you think we'd be here, if things really all fell apart? Telling you these things?

Things can fall apart, but they can be rebuilt, they can be put back together. It's-- frustrating, when it happens a lot, but that's what we're here for! We're here no matter how many times it happens, for you! We'll never blame you, we don't blame you for this ... the one one blaming you is yourself, now ... when you shouldn't look down on following your heart and doing what you thought was right.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Why are you here?!

I got you killed. Knew it was fifty fifty that you would die anyway if I confessed!

Same for Castling, I wasn't surprised Epona caved, and it was his team that would go with them!

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

That's the point ... "you'd die anyway." How that game was set up is no fault of yours at all. It was unfair, people were going to die no matter what. Do you blame Epona for confessing? Dawon for what they chose in the end? It was a game meant to make us regret what we did, no matter what we did. No matter how hard we tried.

We're here because we know that. We're here because we know that no matter what happened, you did what you did because it was you, you were being true to you, the you that didn't want to be a pawn in that game, or choose who to kill over another team, and because it's you that's our friend.

Re: RAGE

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

But Epona wasn't GOING to! Not without the pressure I put on them..

I knew they would probably cave if I confessed and I did it anyway...I couldn't blame them...and Dawon was new....

I was a terrible friend.

Re: RAGE

[unguilded]

... you don't know that for sure, Roxy. That just brings us back to what ifs all over again. But you're trying your best to forgive them for their actions, to not blame them, while taking all of it onto yourself. When you deserve the exact same thing. When you have the exact same thing from all of us.

I know it hurts to not have been able to do something more. ... I know that feeling all too well, to see people you care about have to hurt, have to suffer. To take an action that you end up regretting. None of us could do anything about that game or make it hurt less. You trying doesn't make you a terrible friend. A terrible friend ... hurts people intentionally, hurts people and doesn't care about it. You're not a terrible friend. You're an amazing friend, because you do care.