Heart Game (Continued)
Jan. 24th, 2015 07:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thevoidsdarkhorse
[There's nothing]
[Nothing]
[Nothingnothingnothingnothingnothing]
[Isn't that wonderful though?]
IRC: #Voidheart. Plurk pings: Alwaysterrible.
Original Heart Post
ENTER | CHUMROLL CONTINUED | BEDROOM | BREATH | TIME | SPACE | LIFE 1 LIFE 2 | BLOOD 1 BLOOD 2 | MIND | DOOM 1 DOOM 2 | RAGE 1 RAGE 2 | HOPE
Re: DOOM
Date: 2015-01-25 07:43 am (UTC)[Pauses.]
...no, not death. Not really. Death is simple. Death is easy. It's...more. Everything you can't escape. Everything you couldn't avoid. Everything that happened to you, everything that held you, as long as you could remember.
Because you were always alone, weren't you? It's all you ever knew. Even when you had your friends, they weren't really there. No one ever was. No one ever saw you. Every time you were hurt, no one saw. Every time you were sad or scared or lost, no one saw. No one could. Like you didn't even exist.
But...you did exist. You were always there. Whether anyone wanted to see or not.
[She looks around the room again, at each of the objects in turn.]
These things...these memories. You wanted someone to see them, didn't you? You wanted someone to feel what you felt. To understand. That's...what I wanted, too. I didn't want to tell anyone...I don't even want to think about that other life. Because I thought no one could ever, ever understand. But...I still...wanted someone to notice. I know it can't be helped. I know it can't be changed. I just wanted...someone to...acknowledge it. To acknowledge me.
Because I existed. Because I was there.
[She trails off, staring down at her feet, unable to look at Roxy. Because she wonders if she's not just seeing what she wants to see, and making this about herself when it's really not. But she can't not look at her, not right now. "Give 'em a reason to stick."]
...I don't know. I still don't know what I'm supposed to change in here. I still don't know how to do it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I can't understand either.
But...I see you, Roxy.
Re: DOOM
Date: 2015-01-25 08:02 am (UTC)[She stands up.]
This room was never about change. It's like you said, it can't be. But it needed to be acknowledge, because it's part of who I am.
[She reaches forward, and her hand is cold as death, but the touch is gentle, raising her chin to have her look up. And the smile is sad, forlorn, but it is genuine.]
When I'm awake again, and preferably when I'm done reeling from this, tell me. I'll listen. I'll see.
Re: DOOM
Date: 2015-01-25 08:23 am (UTC)I...I will. I promise.
Re: DOOM
Date: 2015-01-25 08:28 am (UTC)[Then she bends forward, and it's a light, cold, kiss on her forehead.]
[You hate it.]
[It's not as if you don't understand. You know to Jane, it makes no sense, the things you tell her. She's centuries in the past, of course she wouldn't believe you when you tell her how you grew up.]
[About what you've lost.]
[Because to her, it hasn't happened.]
[But it hurts. It still hurts as she denies such basic facts of your life.]
[How she treats it like it doesn't exist.]
[And it feels like you don't exist]