thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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[Well, he REALLY gets some of these. H-hahah, Hydra. Yep. Yep, he... understands that.

But once again, those feelings directed at him come full circle like a slap to the face. The martini glass, the voice spoken when he first entered Rage in its entirety... and now here.

...

It's mocking, almost, how he realizes that the advice he wants to give her would be advice he would hate to hear himself.

So he stays quiet, walking up and nudging her leg gently with the toe of his boot.]

[This is what happens when you are DESTINY.]

[She looks up and she has such a....tired, almost defeated look on her face.]

...sup.

[She looks down at the book again.]

Hey, come on. Don't give me that look.

[There's a gentle resignation to the words, despite the tease.]

You mind if I sit with you?

[She shrugged.] If you want.

[Plopping himself down next to her, then. Closer than the phobia usually allows, but goddammit he will milk this as much as he can, if it will continue to help this heart out.]

You look like you've got a lot on your mind.

Always do.

Why I'm out here. Helps organize thoughts. [Gonna start chewing on the end of her pen now.]

More than usual, I mean.

I don't mean to interrupt you.

[A pause, watching her gnaw the end of her pen.]

Do you mind if I ask you something, though?

[She waves a hand, gestures for him to go on, and it's...obvious. She's very tired.]

...Hey...

[Gently catching that hand before she can lower it.]

Roxy... I know you don't feel well right now. But this is important.

Please, look at me.

What?

[She looks up and]

[Pause.]

[Staring at his hand.]

[Raising a brow.

Yes, he's touching you. WHAT VOODOO WITCHCRAFT IS AT WORK HERE spoilers its you.]

If you could give people the chance to understand things about you, just how you try to understand things about them, how far would you go?

....

[She sets down the pen.]

Depends.

I want people to understand me.

But I'm sick of people treatin' me like glass or like I can't help 'cause of it. They learn one horrible thing and it starts. They learn more, and...well.

Yeah. Trust me, I understand.

But-- Mmm.

[Another pause as he considers something.]

...

Did I tell you about Hydra getting upset at me the other week?

No.

I ran off. Needed space to think. As nice as the team is, I get the looks, the questions. Got tired of it. So I ran, and didn't tell anyone where I went.

It felt like it was better that way, anyway, you know? I could calm down, no one had to look at me like some broken doll on a shelf in need of pity. Then I could come back and refocus on what was more important. I could be useful, like I should be. Not some sob story. Seemed like the best thing to do.

...

Hydra found out. Yelled at me. Broke my arm.

I... wouldn't be surprised if she cried that whole day.

[A wistful chuckle as he releases her hand, dropping his own into his lap.]

It's... hard to see how we're dismissing the people we love until it's too late. We're telling them we can't trust them. It's one thing to do that to strangers, sure. But...

If we can tell someone "I love you", but can't tell them "I'm afraid", then maybe we have our priorities backwards.

Ya did fuck up if Hydra was that pissed.

...

[She looks to the side.]

I know that. That's why....that's why I had to tell Sparrow first. Knew it was doomed from the start if I didn't.

She...she accepted it, rolled with it. That feeling when she did... [A fond smiile.]

[A sheepish laugh at that first part, but he won't say anything. Already been chewed up enough as it is, anyway.]

Hydra isn't the type of person to just blindly judge someone, either. You know that. She wants to understand you. You just have to give her the chance.

...I have. I....I told her, recently. Figured....nothing left to lose now...

Was meaning too for a while, but hard to get the nerve.

...So, if it was hard for you to open up about it, don't you think it might be the same when it comes to others and how they share things?

...

I wish there was an easier answer to give you, for helping people that are hard to reach. I mean, you're pretty stubborn as it is. I know you'll try everything.

But sometimes, you just have to wait for them to get the nerve to talk on their own. Pushing doesn't always make a door open if it has to be pushed from the other side, you know?

...

Are you afraid I'll pity you?

[Shakes his head, though he can't quite look at her anymore, staring out into the void as he continues.]

I'm pitied all the time. Phobia and all. It makes for plenty of laughs and eyerolls and sorry looks. Hurts, but I'd get used to it somehow.

...

What scares me is that, if I ever find my nerve, you'll realize that you want to leave.

I'm not ready for that.

....

[She moves her hand to thread their fingers together.]

I wouldn't.

Nothing you said would make me want to leave.

It's not about what I say.

[He'll hesitate before squeezing her hand in return.]

I know you know that. Wouldn't pull such weird things to prove a point otherwise.

I just... can't right now.

[And he'll let the Heart thing do it's thing here, because he can't say it out loud, it hurts, it's stupid, he hates it.

But he's a coward. He's too frightened to lose everything and everyone. He can't change that. He has to keep the balance, even if it means pushing others away. Cowardly cowardly cowardly always running always pushing it back ignoring it lashing out

There's nothing to pull strength from, outside a two-faced life. At least he could pretend to be strong that way.]

...

[She closes the book, turns towards him.]

[She holds out her other hand for his second one.]

[...

Takes it, holding tight.]

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