thevoidsdarkhorse | Heart Game (Continued)

Heart Game (Continued)

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[ left speechless for a while as the magnitude of all this sinks in. being new here, he hasn't had to deal with trauma games or remembering losing anyway. all he's been told is how his world has been destroyed, but he has no memories of it. she has the memories of the pain and loss and seeing everyone gone. and now he can feel it from her, too.

the problem is, she didn't just go through it once. numerous times, reliving this. all those painful memories locked inside. for all the fixing he has tried before now, this is an area that he doesn't know of any way to help or change. part of him wants to just try to destroy all these memories and erase it, but he knows that isn't the way to do it. that destroying this would destroy a part of Roxy that shouldn't disappear... no matter how painful and terrible it is.

at least. he's fairly sure of that. none of it makes sense. none of the things he's experienced. the weight of this room is heavy on him, especially with how exhausted he already is and all he can do is fall to his knees right now ]

This...

[ he can't speak. his voice is betraying him right now ]

...

[She sits up. Tilts her head.]

....

[She then stands, walking over, and taking the thermos from him if he'll let her.]

[ yeah, he won't stop her from doing that, just watching her blankly, at the moment ]

Do you want this, or do you want time to sort it out yourself?

[Her voice is....gentle, almost kind.]

You never had that easy of an option, did you?

[ he sounds so delicate, so fragile, just trying to find that sense that was driving him before ]

No, not really.

Nothing beyond what Life could manage, anyway.

Then it doesn't seem fair.

Even with that understanding, it still isn't the same. What you went through was worse.

[ glances at the thermos, then at her ]

Would you like some of it?

[She shakes her head.]

This room isn't about change. It won't do me any good.

It's only about us understanding you?

Yes.

...That must be hard for you.

It is.

I don't make it easy, admittedly, but it's natural when you exist, right? That you want to be understood.

[ shifting to slowly stand up, but it feels hard to do so right now ]

Do you do that to protect people? Or is it to protect yourself? The not make it easy part, I mean.

We've lost track, honestly. Might be both.

I imagine this place doesn't help. Everyone here has lost their world, but they don't understand how it feels. Not like you do. Until now, I didn't even fully realize the gravity of it.

[Nods.] It's...diff, being told it's a thing.

Then seein' it with your own eyes.

Almost knocked off Vetoed's head off 'cause of that argument.

[Sitting down across from him.]

I can't even imagine how that feels. Being told that.

[ looks straight at her ]

When I felt that, from the blood... All I wanted to do was erase it. Try to destroy it, like I had in other rooms. But then that'd be trying to destroy you, wouldn't it?

Infuriating and...isolating.

[She nods.]

It would be. I wouldn't allow it.

If I had tried and you stopped me, I wouldn't have blamed you. No matter what you'd done.

[ undertone of an apology in there, for that thought he had ]

Depends what it took to stop you.

You dun need to apologize, I imagine it's a thought most had.

Do ya think you understand what this room is?

I'm... not sure. What it feels like is that everything to this point were the parts that we were trying to fix and help. Here, we're supposed to accept it. Understand there are parts that can't be fixed. That aren't supposed to be fixed.

[ brow furrows, having a hard time with this. all of it, as a whole ]

[She nods.] That's correct. This room isn't 'bout fixing. It ain't 'bout change.

What about the rooms ahead? Are they the same? Or do I need to find out when I go there?

Oh no, you can change stuff ahead. How easy varies, but you can hella change stuff ahead.

So, it's just here and the last room that aren't meant for change.

If I move on, will I also be able go back later? I told another you that I'd try to see her before I left. I want to make sure things are better before this ends.

[ the one good point about sitting here with her is that he is recharging ]

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