Heart Game (Continued)

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[There's nothing]

[Nothing]

[Nothingnothingnothingnothingnothing]

[Isn't that wonderful though?]

Heart Prep | Sign in for SCORED runs | Chumroll | MEMO, oh god | Passive Skills (PLEASE FILL OUT, true godtiers can wait, but need Faketiers when you enter) | Mechanics

IRC: #Voidheart. Plurk pings: Alwaysterrible.

Original Heart Post

ENTER | CHUMROLL CONTINUED | BEDROOM | BREATH | TIME | SPACE | LIFE 1 LIFE 2 | BLOOD 1 BLOOD 2 | MIND | DOOM 1 DOOM 2 | RAGE 1 RAGE 2 | HOPE

Comments

[carptricks]

[damn it damn it damn it-- he thought he had these pings hit enough back in doom's room. nothing like Kyriakos's games to make you feel helpless all over again]

[he doesn't stop struggling, or fighting, because it isn't within his nature to do so. and as he does, he calls out--]

Roxy!

Roxy, it wasn't your fault!

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[No response.]

[The vines do their thing first, sadly. ):]

[carptricks]

[that sucks :(]

[he supposes there are so many ways he can change these war flashbacks]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[Y-yes. And sadly it's not the memory itself that needs changing.]

It was my fault.

[Because now you're amongst vine covered bodies, and there's Roxy, on the ground, staring ahead blankly.]

[carptricks]

[it was worth a shot]

It wasn't.

[is he still restrained, can he turn to face her]

It wasn't. Yaksinis ran the game. Yaksinis made the rules. Yaksinis tried to force you into playing along.

It wasn't your fault.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[He can. Actually, after the memory plays out, he finds he can detangle himself from the vines now.]

It was in the rules, I should have seen what would happen. Not like I wasn't assuming she was a sadistic.

[carptricks]

She would have killed the teams anyway, even if you had stayed quiet.

[kicking the vines away then. pretty quickly, too, because after dying twice by thorny vine he has acquired quite the distaste for them]

You can't-- [he pauses. swallows down his own emotions on the matter. pushes forward]

You can't always save everyone in every game. You can't. You can't, and it sucks, and it isn't fair, but you've gotta. . .

[another deep breath. calm down Kuroba]

. . . you've gotta focus on the bigger picture. Some battles will be lost, but hell. Even if we can't save everyone in every game, then we can stop the Echoes who run those kinds of games, yeah?

And then there won't be any repeats of that stupid cry wolf game. Ever.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

I can deal with not saving everyone.

[She smiles bitterly.]

By the time Cry Wolf came around, I 'membered leaving my Neighborhood. Only means to escape, but I only got a dozen Carapacians.

I can leave people. Abandon 'em.

Didn't think I could...

[carptricks]

[assuming she's finishing that statement with "kill people," so he chimes in pretty quickly]

You didn't kill anyone.

[firm.]

I was there, Roxy. My team died, too. And for a little while, I was pretty mad about it. Who wouldn't be?

But I never blamed you. And you don't have to blame yourself when no one else who was there does.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Don't you get it?!

I grew UP with Games like these. I should have seen what would happen. It was literally the sort of thing I TRAINED FOR.

And I knew what I was doing when I confessed, I KNEW two teams were gonna die, I knew how high chances were Epona was gonna confess, and I did it anyway!

[carptricks]

Epona chose to confess on their own! Their choices are not your fault. You can't shoulder the burden of other people's decisions, Roxy. That's just. . .

[h-hffff]

That's too heavy of a burden for anyone to carry on their own.

. . . and as for the rest, you were only trying to limit the damage that would be done. You can't. . . shoulder the burden of Yaksinis's choice to kill everyone, either.

You have to forgive yourself. How can you keep fighting if you don't allow yourself to move on from past mistakes?

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Maybe I shouldn't keep fighting...

[carptricks]

. . . do you really believe that?

[taking a step towards her and reaching out, hesitating, before he places his hand on her shouler]

Because I don't believe you do.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

I want to.

I'm so...tired of fighting.

[carptricks]

. . . you aren't fighting alone.

[gentle shoulder squeeze]

Which. . . might be hard to hear, I know, but it's true. Everyone in Kyriakos is fighting with you.

And when you get tired and need to rest, someone will cover for you.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Everyone is fighting for worlds that can be saved.

I'm not.

[carptricks]

[. . .]

But you're still holding on. I've seen that. . . throughout this entire soul, there are bits of you that want to exist, that believe in pushing forward. The whole of you hasn't given up just yet.

It's just a matter of tackling one thing at a time, yeah. . .? To make pushing forward just a little bit easier. And right now. . . you need to forgive yourself for what happened in that game. Just like I already have.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

One thing at a time...

That's worked wonders so far.

[carptricks]

Baby steps, Roxy.

Trying to do everything at once will just exhaust you.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[She smiles, bitter.]

I knew that.

I tried that.

And I know where it got me.

[carptricks]

. . . where?

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Nothing left to save.

I dun deserve forgiveness.

Why would you give it?

[carptricks]

Because I think you do deserve it.

. . . because I know that if I were you, I would have made the same choice.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

....

[She looks at him.]

[carptricks]

. . .

[drops his gaze a bit]

I remember a cry wolf game similar to that one, y'know? Except it took place in a jungle instead of here, in Kyriakos. My team was a wolf team, and we weren't even told the teams we eliminated would die.

[deep breath]

I've. . . been told that it wasn't my fault. It's hard to believe, though. I should have known there was something up with the game from the beginning. I shouldn't have naively gone along with it. I should have spoken up, revealed my team to be the wolves, hell I don't know. I should have fought. I always fight, and I know that I would have bucked against those rules if I had know from the beginning that people would have died because of my choices.

I just wasn't given the chance.

No matter how I think about it, it feels like it's my fault that the people who died in that game were hurt.

[glancing up again]

But. . . if Ed and Aoko are right, and I deserve forgiveness for that. . . then you definitely do, too.